A Cacophony of Emotions

Deep down... somewhere... A part of me, a hopeful part of me... a sane, clear, pristine part of me wanted to believe, knew somehow that despite everything that was happening... they were meeting up to prepare for my birthday...

But the beast broke through the chains then.

It tore apart the gentle facade that was trying to calm things...

And it overtook me.

But... but his silence, everything... and his initial message... I'd believed he had told him everything... and yet... but... but the scene that greeted me that fateful day... as though they'd just invited me as an afterthought... the feeling of being the one left out...

... It was just so overwhelming.

And... and even if he had no intention of being so, the more that person gets involved...

The more I feel as though I should never have introduced him...

Never should have let them both meet.

For it only becomes that he's becoming more and more of an obstacle between us, a barrier... I know its unfair, but if he threatens the tenuous peace I've obtained so newly... then he is a threat I cannot afford to leave alone. I don't care if it hurts him... Why does it always have to be you and him? Why can't you see that I'm bleeding from the inside out as well... Struggling so desperately and just... just hurting so much and trying... trying to pick myself up again. It just hurts so much sometimes...

... that you two only care about how others feel but not me...

But... but everything went according to plan, and perhaps even more so today...

The movie... Drag Me To Hell, was alright... though the he didn't really like it i guess... but the shopping and meal that followed... a semblance, and yet something of a shadow of what was possible before...

I blame him, of course... for casting a shadow on that day, ruining it even before it began, even if he did it unknowingly and unwillingly.

Leave him out of this.

If you have anything you wish to say, come straight to me.

And I do not regret what I've written. I do not care that or feel the pain I am causing you, so drowned in my own. It was my true, feelings then, the yells that tore through my heart, my soul... everything.

I... feel... NOTHING.