Within me slumbers a beast that is barely kept chained, another me who i attempt to suppress at any cost... Any moment. And yet... the whispers... the whispers eat away at my will, my strength, my sanity, it fills me with the dark void of doubt and despair, drives me time and time again against the walls of my mind, the cage of my sanity...
"YOU WOULD BE SACRIFICED WILLINGLY FOR THEIR SAKE'
'YOU WILL ALWAYS BE RELEGATED TO SECOND PLACE'
'YOU WILL NEVER BE WHAT YOU DESIRE'
'WHY TRY WHEN YOU HAVE NO HOPE TO BEGIN WITH'
'NO ONE CARES, NO ONE SEES, NO ONE BOTHERS'
'THAT PERSON WILL NEVER SEE YOU AS YOU SEE HIM'
'YOUR EFFORTS ARE FUTILE'
'THAT PERSON WILL NEVER BE TO YOU WHAT YOU STRIVE TO BE TO THAT PERSON'
My every waking moment is haunted by these tormented whisperings... Unless I keep my mind busy, unless I keep myself occupied, these whispers will undoubtedly reach me. Moments of weakness, moments of sadness, the vast divide between sleeping and waking, waking and sleeping, moments of solitude, moments of reflection... all these threaten to overwhelm me, to sink me deeper into the vast darkness that seems to seep unendingly from the darkest recesses of my heart. I don't want to lose everything. I don't want to lose myself...
So I chain it, incarcerate it within chains formed from memories of the past... the only things that tie me down, anchor me, and give me strength to face the painful present and the uncertain future... But even then... the past holds memories that are painful too... Ones that I cannot entirely ommit... The chains weaken then... and the beast stirs.
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